It is important to learn to control your anger, not suppress it or fight it. Family psychologist Natalia Gaevskaya spoke about this and named several effective ways.
According to Natalia, the whole point is that anger itself is just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, anger is one of the most ancient defense mechanisms. If you are in a situation for a long time when you are forced to constantly feel shame, guilt, resentment, envy, jealousy, etc., you explode with anger and emotionally discharging. This is a fundamental defense mechanism. It allows you to restore your violated boundaries, protect your own dignity, and clearly show others that something is wrong in the relationship.
“It is much easier to cope with your own anger without destroying yourself and others, but without being exhausted by the struggle with yourself, if you understand the reasons for its occurrence; you decide to look what the tip of the iceberg is hiding,” the psychologist noted.
If you repeatedly feel that you are about to take off from the coils and explode with anger towards anyone, family, employees, and friends, before counting to ten, try asking yourself a few questions and advises Gaevskaya.
1. What were my expectations regarding the other person’s actions at whom my anger is directed, or how the situation should develop?
2. To what extent do I express to the other the freedom to act as he (she) sees fit, especially when it does not coincide with my own desires?
3. How realistic are my expectations?
4. Is the other person obligated to satisfy my desires? And don’t I overestimate them too much? (For example, a man returns from work at eight o’clock because this is how his circumstances developed, and his wife was expecting him an hour earlier because that was their agreement in the morning. Make claims – you do not value me, do not reckon with me, you don’t give a damn about your promises, etc.)
5. What are the consequences of my anger: for me and others? Can I compensate for them, and if so, how?
6. Can I change my expectations? If not, what prevents me from doing this?
7. Is there any other way I can relieve tension inside? For example, in addition to such traditional methods of relieving stress like physical activity and creativity, talking frankly about your needs and expectations, feelings, and emotions perhaps will help you out.
“For the best result, write down and analyze the answers. And always keep in mind, anger is only energy, how you decide to use it or destroy someone and yourself, protect your boundaries, build something new, depends only on you.” – summed up the psychologist.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Today Lifestyle