These phrases can ruin the life of your son or daughter.
Some words should be spoken whenever there is a reason for it, these are, for example, words of support, praise, and sympathy. Some words need to be used with caution, such as words of judgment. And some phrases should never be said. We will talk about them today.
1. Don't be silly
Synonyms
"Don't talk nonsense," "Stop talking nonsense."
Why not.
Children, unlike adults, never say "nonsense. " Everything that the little person decided to tell you is important to them, no matter how funny or ridiculous it may seem to you. With these phrases, you let the child understand that his words are not important to you. Do not be surprised later that the child has secrets so early.
What to say instead
Instead of dismissing your child, listen to him. If the kid talks about some of his discoveries, rejoice with him. If about a problem, try to find a solution.
Read also: How to Make a Beautiful Herbarium With Your Children
2. Take it, leave it alone
Synonyms
"Hold and leave me alone," "Take and do not bother me anymore."
Why not
The worst way to yield to a child's demands. Not only do you give him a handout, in return, but he must also disappear from your life. Children very quickly begin to take advantage of the opportunity to get what they want in this way. And then the parents are surprised; where did the alienation come from?
What to say instead
No one can refuse a child all the time, and this is not required. Even if you get rid of the word "leave me alone," it will be much better.
3. You can’t, give me a better
Synonyms
"You will not succeed," "Leave alone, you still cannot."
Why not
By denying even the right to try, you instill a sense of your own helplessness in the child, doom him to failure. In psychology, the result is called "learned helplessness" - when a person is sure in advance of his inability to do or change something.
What to say instead
If you see that the kid is taking on an overwhelming task for him, then it would be best to say: "Let me help you." Or let him help you. If this is also impossible, for example, a child is eager to repair the electrical wiring and explain it's dangers.
4. Other children can, but you cannot
Synonyms
the word “know-how” can have many variants (they obey, study well, they did it, they know, they have achieved something).
Why not
By making your child feel worse than others, you create an inferiority complex. Some people think that in this way, the baby has a motive to get better. But even with adults, this tactic doesn't always work. As for the child, this is a terrible motivator .
What to say instead
Sigmund Freud is credited with saying: “The only person to whom you need to compare yourself is you in the past. And the only person you should be superior to is you now. " Freud's authorship is doubtful, but this is exactly the principle that should be guided.
5. My eyes would not see you
Synonyms
"Get out of sight," "I don't want to see you."
Why not
These words signal to the child that the parents need neither him nor his problems. Sometimes, parents try to avoid the brewing conflict, but avoidance will not solve the problem but will only aggravate it.
What to say instead
You need to listen to children, help them. And in inevitable conflict situations, apply other methods.
6. * Obscene language *
Synonyms
everyone knows them.
Why not
We will not open a discussion about the admissibility (necessity, value) of mate in speech. You don't show your child private parts, do you? That's all.
What to say instead
In 99% of cases, such words can be easily replaced with decent analogues or excluded from speech.
7. If not for you, then ...
Synonyms
"And why did I give birth to you," "Abortion would be a better option."
Why not
Such phrases form a guilt complex. The child learns that his very existence makes the parents bad, hurts. This is a very traumatic experience for the child's psyche.
What to say instead
Such thoughts are a reason to understand yourself. You blame the child for your own failures and failure. Think about it well.
8. You're bad
Synonyms
"You are evil," "You are stupid," "You are naughty."
Why not
Children trust their parents' assessments very much. When distributing such characteristics, be prepared that the child will learn them and will correspond to them. This means low self-esteem and possible future problems.
What to say instead
Instead of "you are bad," - "you did a bad thing." Not "you are stupid," but "this is the wrong decision." By evaluating not the child but the actions, you give him the opportunity and incentive to become better.
9. I don't love you
Synonyms
"If you do something or do not do something, then I will not love you."
Why not
Parental love should be unconditional. The threat of losing it is tantamount to a threat to life. After all, do you really not love your child? Then why tell him this terrible lie?
What to say instead
Same as applicable to the next item.
Also read: Here are the Best Beach Games for Children: From Sand Castles to Marbles
10. I'll leave you
Synonyms
"I'll leave it here," "I'll give it to my uncle."
Why not
Parents are the most important people for a child. His life depends on them; without a mother, a child cannot imagine his existence. That's why these phrases are so effective ... at first. The child very quickly ceases to perceive any empty threats. But for neurosis to form, there is enough time.
What to say instead
Anything. Really. Even the threat of physical punishment - usually a lousy parenting method - is better than the threat to quit or stop loving. But it's even better to build a relationship with your child that is not based on fear and punishment. Although it is not an easy effort, the outcome is worthwhile.
As you understood, it is not the words that are important, the parents' attitude towards the child, which is behind these words, is important. And even more important is the behavior of mom and dad. Therefore, it is not enough to give up bad words; you have to give up bad deeds.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker
