Love is one of the most pleasant common experiences that we can experience in our lives. Even so, for different reasons, relationships end.
In this article, we try to advise you on how to end a relationship and move on after falling out of love.
10 Expert Tips to Fall Out of Love
There are things that are unavoidable. Although it may seem cliché, as time goes on a satisfying relationship can turn into a very unpleasant situation, full of misunderstandings, sadness, and frustration.
Here we present ten tips to overcome those people that we have left behind, but still, carry inside (that is, how to fall out of love).
1. Cut the Communication
We have all heard it at some time and, although we do not want to believe it, there are times that continuing the relationship as friends is completely unviable. Especially if one of the two people is still in love and the other has already turned the page.
Though nobody can predict what the future may hold, the truth is that right after a breakup is not usually the best time to become friends with your ex-partner. It can be a very unpleasant experience and fill you with feelings of emptiness, not being able to maintain the intimate and supportive relationship that you were used to.
To save us this unpleasant stage, without this meaning cutting off contact permanently, allow yourself some time without hearing from that person if you feel you need it. This way you will avoid the emotional instability that can cause you to see how happy they are after getting away from you and other unpleasant situations that you may not be able to comfortably bear if the breakup is recent or you are still in love with your ex-partner.
Yes, this usually means avoiding digital contact as well. You need a lot of emotional stability to be able to digest that your partner turns the page before you, and being in a vulnerable state emotionally speaking this can catapult us into very dark places in our psyche.
2. Accept your Feelings
Fighting what we feel is usually a good recipe for emotional distress. We recommend that you analyze how you feel and awaken it at your own pace, to understand what your emotions are.
Self-knowledge is a very powerful tool for overcoming negative emotions and the behaviors that they can trigger. Accept that we feel sad, that we miss our ex-partner, or that we are really upset with some aspect of our previous relationship (for example, in the case that they have been unfaithful, or simply the frustration of not understanding each other as before), It allows us to accept that the relationship has passed, that these feelings are normal, and that in time they will pass as well.
3. Remember Why you are No longer Together
Falling out of love is complicated, but research on this topic seems to show that an effective tool for turning the page is simply thinking negative things about your ex-partner. It could be really painful things that they put you through, or any of the thousands of aspects of that person that you didn't like, or irritated you.
Perhaps that person with whom we spent so much time had unpleasant habits, such as not cleaning the house or abusing substances. He might treat us really bad every time he came back from work. He still didn't like cheese. The theme is to think unpleasant things about that person to avoid thinking only about the pleasant things of a relationship in which you have not been.
It is not necessary to generate resentment or animosity towards our ex-partner (although it can help temporarily, even if it is fake or half-joking), but thinking about unpleasant things from our previous relationship helps us to get out of spirals of pleasant memories of something that already it does not exist, that although it may feel good temporarily, it increases our feelings of abandonment and loneliness.
4. Enjoy your Free Time
Whoa, what is this? When breaking a relationship, we realize that we have a lot of free time that we did not have before. This free time is a trap as well as a blessing. If we use it effectively, we can enrich our lives in ways that perhaps we have always wanted, but never tried, or simply return to activities that you no longer had time for.
This free time, if it is not filled, will be something that we can even fear. When we are alone without doing anything, negative feelings and thoughts can easily assail us, which are not always easy to accept. Be productive with your free time and fill your life with what makes you feel good about yourself. This will improve your self-esteem, and you will be building a better life taking advantage of the impulse of the breakup.
5. Avoid Extremes
It's easy to slip into extreme behaviors when we're going through a bad season. Perhaps our habit of drinking a daily beer turns into something more dangerous. It could also be that we are suddenly terrified of being alone and need to be constantly surrounded by people (or quite the opposite, we withdraw into ourselves and completely forget about the outside world).
In life, the vast majority of things have the right measure. Try not to fall into extreme behaviors while you are in the process of falling out of love, since being a vulnerable state, it can cause us to develop very toxic habits for ourselves.
6. Connect With Your Close People
When someone tries to fall out of love or is going through a breakup, our friends and family are often great allies. They can give us an outside perspective on our problems, especially if they have known us for a long time and have a close relationship with them.
Do not be scared to answer uncomfortable questions, just let them know how comfortable you are explaining your situation if you feel overwhelmed. Usually, they just want to understand you so they know what you're going through and see if they can help you.
7. Devote Yourself to a New Activity
If you have a hobby, why not give it the time it deserves now that you have it? The reality is that dedicating ourselves to learning a new language, trying a new sport, starting dance or acting classes… these are activities that improve our self-esteem as we improve in them.
Improving our self-esteem is key to falling out of love because part of this process is to be able to fill with self-love the emptiness that we feel because of the breakup. Also, maintaining a hobby is a great way to meet new people who can significantly improve our lives in ways we never imagined.
Extra points if it is a physical activity! Exercising makes us feel better about ourselves and is very healthy.
8. Reflect on Separation
It is a painful but fundamental part of the process of falling out of love. The vast majority of relationships end up breaking up sooner or later and it is natural. It just means that you weren't as compatible as you might think at first.
Thinking about our role in the relationship once our strongest feelings have passed is very beneficial. Not only does it help us to fall out of love, but it also gives us clues about the areas in which we want to improve as people. It is very difficult to do things better when we do not know what we have done wrong.
In addition, this process of reflecting on our actions in the relationship, rebounding, can make us forgive the other person for unpleasant behaviors they have had towards us. Decreasing negative feelings towards them will give us relief that will help us turn the page more comfortably.
9. Don't Seek to Fill the Void with Another Relationship
A mistake that many people make is to "play Tarzan" with relationships, moving from one to another as if they were lianas that prevent them from falling into solitude.
This is a very unhealthy fear of being alone and can be the result of a misperception of ourselves. More than being alone, we are really just without a partner. There is nothing wrong with it, we are no less valid than anyone for not having a romantic partner.
If we feel that we need someone to live, it means that we are unable to live on our own, but this does not have to be true. An important mark of a healthy relationship is the ability of its members to function independently.
Also read: How to Overcome Infidelity in Marriage
In addition, by moving from one relationship to another we quickly deprive ourselves of the maturing process that breakups offer us. Most likely, if we do this, we end up making past mistakes or worse, transferring our previous feelings to someone else. These types of relationships are usually unhealthy and short-lived, so it is better to give ourselves some time alone before venturing into another romantic relationship.
10. Allow Yourself to Love Again and Have Fun
Finally, tip number 10 is apparently the opposite of tip number 9, but there is nothing further from the truth. Once we feel more comfortable with ourselves, with better levels of self-esteem and are no longer haunted by the ghost of the past relationship, we will have made significant progress in the process of falling out of love.
One nail pulls another nail out, as the saying goes. Allowing ourselves to explore our romantic side once we have healed our emotional state can be the key to finally falling out of love. Good luck!
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff