Quarantined conflicts have become more frequent. Day after day, together within four walls – it makes itself felt. But avoiding conflicts is not an option; this only makes relations worse because discontent is growing, and the problem is not being solved. A conflict is not necessarily a quarrel or scandal. A conflict situation only means that the interests of the parties do not coincide. You can silently resent each other or go into open confrontation. But both options are not productive—time to learn to conflict efficiently.
“Use the ” I-message “ – tell about your feelings and thoughts, – advises psychologist Natalya Podlesnaya in the program” Ranks with Ukraine.”
Instead of saying “you hurt me,” say “it hurts when you do this.” Do you feel the difference? The first phrase sounds like an accusation and makes you want to defend yourself. In the second case, you describe your feelings, giving you a better chance of being heard. Don’t expect your partner to figure out your feelings on their own. As practice shows, he will not guess. And if he does notice your offended look, he may misunderstand the reason.
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Instead of looking for the culprit, look for an option that benefits both.
“Use phrases: ” How can we continue to be? “ Or ” What can we do together so that both are good? “ – the psychologist comments.
But if emotions build-up, do not try at any cost to resolve the conflict at this very moment.
“Pause: two or three breaths in and out and say – “ the conflict is not settled, but let’s solve it a little later, ”advises Natalya Podlesnaya.
Perhaps after a while, when both of you cool down, the solution will come naturally. The main thing is to respect each other.
“We need to create an environment in which a person will understand – even if you absolutely disagree with him, you are still ready to listen to his opinion,” the expert said.
And most importantly, respect your partner, even if you disagree with him. Indeed, only in strong and adult relationships can you withstand the conflict and not turn away from each other.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Today Lifestyle