Learn how to find the right person and live with them happily ever after or escape from an unhealthy love story in time.
1. Remember that opposites do not attract
Of course, you can have different hobbies and views, but exactly as long as they do not invade the territory of your partner’s key ideological positions. The joint-life of a supporter of patriarchal views and a feminist, a monarchist and a liberal, and even fans of Spartak and CSKA is unlikely to be cloudless. In key issues, you should look, according to the precepts of Exupery, in one direction.
2. Make rules
Agreements are not about trying to restrict someone’s freedom; they are about trying to work out a common language that your couple speaks. A partner’s views on the distribution of responsibilities, financial issues, the possibility of sex on the side, joint and separate rest, and even who goes first in the shower in the morning can be radically different from yours. You don’t have to wait for a big fight to find out what he thinks about it. Set rules ahead of time and follow them.
3. Hear someone else’s “no”
There is no need to do “as best” if the partner clearly expressed his disagreement with something. “No” does not mean “maybe” or “yes, but I want to be persuaded.”
4. Do not tolerate a partner who does unpleasant things to teach you a lesson
Taking a teacher’s position, a person ceases to be an equal partner and begins to act from the point of view of a higher link, a subject who is allowed more. What’s next? Will he give you grades and dismiss you for academic failure? Someone who intentionally makes you feel guilty is not good for a relationship.
5. Don’t try to be tricky
You’ve probably heard advice from the series; “Be smarter, keep silent and do it your way,” “Just do it, then she will understand that it is better this way.” These are all gimmicks and manipulations that harm the relationship. If you cannot openly agree and continue to do what is unacceptable for your half, it is worth either reconsidering your position or changing your partner.
6. Do not demand telepathic abilities from your partner
Nature gave a person a speech apparatus, use it for its intended purpose. Tell your partner what you like and dislike, what you expect, what actions upset you. And you certainly shouldn’t blame the person for not knowing what you are offended at.
7. Solve problems without involving a third party
No need to run for advice from parents, friends, or anonymous users on the forum. You always know better what is happening in the relationship since you know all the circumstances of the conflict.
Let’s say you still turned to your mother for support, and she agreed that your partner is wrong and generally a bad person. Only you will make peace with the offender later, but for your mother (friend, the whole Internet), he will remain a scoundrel.
8. Take out dirty linen in public
At first glance, this advice contradicts the previous one, but it is not. If you realize that you are not dealing with problems as a couple, it is worth asking for help. A psychologist will help to cope with suddenly emerging different views on life. In the event of mental or physical abuse, seek help wherever possible: from friends, in special centers, in the police. Not everyone has the resource to get out of the situation of abuse on their own.
9. Don’t compare your relationship with stories from books and movies.
Stop trying to repeat a love story from your favorite movie, book, and even more so a fairy tale. You are not Cinderella and the Prince, not Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (or Bridget Jones), not Tony Stark and Pepper Potts; your relationship is developing differently, and that’s okay.
And then, before plunging into the vanilla abyss called “happily ever after,” the characters go through a series of difficulties because conflict is the plot’s engine. Create your own “happily ever after” without serial wisdom and without looking at the fantasies of screenwriters and writers.
10. Move at your own pace
Even if all your friends got married a year after they met, they had a baby two years later. Five years later, they bought a house in the suburbs suitable for a large family. It is not necessary to try to cram your relationship into a similar scenario. Each pair moves at a different pace; keep sticking to yours.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker