Here are five effective ways to confront someone else’s anger.
The feeling of anger is familiar to all of us. We encounter him almost every day. At work, in transport, at home. It is believed that anger is the body’s normal response to external stimuli. However, it is also well acknowledged that this normal reaction can and should be combated.
But often, we become victims, not culprits. Nobody asks if we are ready to act as lightning rods—those who let off steam quickly return to normal. For us, resentment and bad mood remain for a long time. How to deal with this? To find the answer, let’s turn to theory.
What is anger?
Psychologists consider anger at being a normal emotion.
Anger is the body’s response to resentment, hurt pride and mental suffering. The person gets angry and screams, trying to protect himself.
According to other experts, anger is not just an emotion but a form of affect. This emotional process is intense and short-lived. For a few minutes, the mental and physiological state of a person radically changes; muscles contract, blood rushes, breathing becomes difficult.
In anger, the body works to wear and tear. And having thrown out negative energy, it gradually calms down. That is why we feel exhausted after a major quarrel with screaming and breaking dishes. At the same time, scientists believe that, like the instinct of self-preservation, the feeling of anger is inherent in all Homo sapiens and is inherited. After all, outbursts of aggression happen even in children.
The form and depth of its expression depending on the characteristics of socialization. If it is customary to talk in a raised voice and watch the Saw dinner at dinner, the child is more likely to become an impulsive personality, igniting from any spark.
Anger is also generated by dedication to one’s own views of what is right and what is not. So, a pedantic person is enraged by sloppiness, an introvert – talkativeness. Anything that does not fit into the system of values annoys, encroaches on it.
What conclusion can be drawn by summarizing these provisions?
Anger is experienced by everyone, regardless of gender, age, or race. An angry person often does not control his words and actions.
How to protect yourself
Anger is destructive. It destroys us from the inside. Those prone to aggression often have heart disease, hypertension, migraines, skin, and gastrointestinal problems.
Even more dangerous is the so-called incoming anger – negative energy directed at us. What do you feel when a colleague, spouse, neighbor breaks down at you? Resentment, fear are common reactions. However, an angry outburst frequently prompts another reaction. It’s hard to stay calm when yelling at you. To not be locked in a circle of negative reactions, you need to equally resist not only your own outbursts of anger but also those that come from other people.
How to resist someone else’s malice
Changing breathing is the main guideline for self-control. Once in an angry person’s line of sight, and feel that his excitement is transmitted to you, begin to breathe slowly and deeply. Try to take only 6-10 breaths per minute, necessarily through the nose. Deliberate delays allow you to bring the pulse and pressure back to normal, calm down.
2. Get distracted
From childhood, we were taught not to listen to the interlocutor is impolite. Nobody added that this rule does not apply to angry people.
If you begin to delve into an angry person’s message, there is a danger of getting involved in fruitless controversy. If you want to avoid listening, try to recall a nursery rhyme or song. “Our Tanya is crying out loud …” – everyone is familiar with these lines, although it is not so easy to reproduce them in your head in a critical situation. And this is good.
Remembering good tunes familiar from childhood, you involuntarily distract from your opponent’s angry speeches and ignore his barbs.
3. Be ironic
Bulging eyes, twitching movements, saliva splashing in different directions. A person in a fit of anger looks rather comical. If you manage to distract yourself from his words, you will certainly notice it. And if you imagine him in Budyonovka and with a saber bald, you get a frankly funny picture.
But do not make fun of a person who is in extreme emotional arousal. Better to remember that an angry fist doesn’t strike a smiling face. Smile kindly. And, perhaps, the rage will be replaced by mercy.
4. Step back
If possible, do not fall under the hot hand. Go somewhere else, go for a stroll, do something. Let the person let off steam.
But if you really have no chance to withdraw yourself, then do it in your head. Imagine there is a brick wall between you and the one yelling at you. Compose the details; white or red brick, is the masonry even, are the seams neat? This will help build psychological defenses.
Perhaps this is the main recommendation. In anger, a person is not aware of what he is doing (remember: this is a form of effect). After the anger has subsided, he feels bad. Sometimes he doesn’t even know how to look at you. Be the first to speak. Let it be known that you are not angry. So it will be easier for the one who has broken down to repent and resume a constructive dialogue sincerely.
Follow these simple tips and remember the ancient Indian wisdom: Whoever does not react with anger to anger saves both – himself and the angry one.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker