Sometimes a real sadist may be hiding behind a beautiful appearance.
A beautiful appearance, a large family, a prestigious education, and a successful career are often, just a facade, an illusion behind which a cruel person is hiding. This could be a man, a woman, your boss, a coworker, or that nice guy you went on a wonderful date with. Of course, there can be no talk of any friendship or love with them.
The critic condemns whatever you do; your every move and every breath you take. Yes, you are doing everything wrong.
You need to understand the difference: criticizing is not the same as giving advice.
Behavior scenario # 1
You arrive for dinner 15 minutes late, without prior notice. Your other half became noticeably angry, and instead of asking why you were late or what happened, they begin to shower with accusations; “You are always late because you never think of anyone but yourself. I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes! And you can never come on time”.
This is the perfect critic. As a rule, such a person criticizes your every move: “Are you really going to wear this?” “Why do you never …?” “What’s wrong with you?” The list is endless. You feel humiliated around a critic. No matter how hard you try and no matter what you do, you never get it right.
Read also: How to Deal with Toxic Colleagues-Best Tips
Behavior scenario # 2
You are late for dinner, and you don’t warn about it. Your other half is visibly angry, but instead of lashing out at you, they begin to ask you about this habit. “I noticed that you are constantly late. What happened? Is there a reason for this? ” This is an example of how a person tries to understand the origins of misbehavior.
Instead of blaming a specific person, he or she blames the action.
The critic may never even say anything rude to you personally. But he speaks offensively about your beliefs, appearance, thoughts. This is often due to low self-esteem and a desire to be in control. Instead of helping you break bad habits, he reproaches and suppresses you as a person.
The critic condemns the person, not his behavior. The most damaging experience a person can have is when a parent says, “You are a bad boy / bad girl,” instead of saying, “You did a bad thing.”
2. Passive aggressor
With such a person, you feel like you have to walk on tiptoe. You never know what message he is trying to convey to you. Denial of feelings, sarcasm, questionable compliments is clear indicators that you are dealing with a passive aggressor.
You did something that upset your partner, but you can’t figure out exactly the reason. You ask why they are angry (you want to understand what you did and how to fix it to avoid mistakes in the future). But do not even hope; your other half will not tell you anything. Most likely, you will receive answers in the spirit; “I’m fine,” “I’m not angry.” At the same time, this person continues to maintain a distance and by all means, show that you acted incredibly despicable.
You start to get hung up on the situation, trying to figure out what he or she really thinks, why keeps sending hints rather than saying directly. You can spend countless hours trying to read the mind of a passive aggressor by going back over and over again.
Passive aggression is a veiled expression of anger. If a person cannot just talk, but uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism, sends incomprehensible messages, or does not show his negative emotions directly, but does this only surreptitiously, you are in front of a passive aggressor.
The narcissist, with all his behavior, shows that his existence is the best gift for the Universe; he knows everything, he is the best in everything and does not hesitate to remind you of this every minute. No matter how smart and interesting you are, you are far from being a narcissist.
The narcissist puts himself on a pedestal from which he looks at you.
It may seem to you that you are always in some competition with each other.
Narcissists do not want to make compromises; they feel a lack of understanding and empathy; they want to always be in the spotlight. Even when it’s your time to be in the spotlight — on your birthday or at a promotion party — the narcissist will be able to draw all the attention to himself even if it was a loud scandal.
The story of Narcissus from ancient Greek mythology helps us understand the nature of narcissism. When Narcissists looked into the water and saw a beautiful flower instead, he was surprised. After all, Narcissists really hate themselves.
They are easily hurt, and when they do, they release the anger and hatred that builds up from low self-esteem. Narcissists are ready to destroy everything and everyone around them when they feel rejected or hurt.
A stone wall is a person who refuses to engage in conversation and share their feelings when problems arise. He constantly shies away from direct questions. Because of this, the other person begins to feel insignificant, unworthy of honest communication.
The stone wall never admits the problem exists. If you are trying to communicate with someone who you know refuses to be honest and open with you, it might be worth considering why you need such a relationship at all.
Not wanting to answer your questions, such a person does not just refuse to communicate with you – he makes you feel frustrated and even angry.
This is a good tactic for political debate but absolutely unacceptable in personal life. The behavior of a stone wall is somewhat similar to passive-aggressive behavior; only he does not try to convey a hidden message to you – he does not consider it necessary to tell you anything at all.
5. Asocial personality
If you are communicating with an antisocial type, congratulations: you got a 2 1 gift.
On the one hand, there are traits of a sociopath in the character of an asocial person; aggressive and explosive behavior, which is most often the result of abuse in childhood. At the very least, sociopaths can be empathetic. But an asocial personality cannot because he also has the inclinations of a psychopath: lack of remorse and empathy, a tendency to use others in his own interests, greed, vindictiveness.
We all have many different inclinations that society perceives as negative. We can even find in ourselves the characteristics inherent in antisocial behavior. Therefore, we forgive and even treat people with asocial behavior favorably, as we forgive and treat ourselves favorably.
Also read: 5 Smart Ways To Say No To Your Boss
Remember that psychopaths are psychological chameleons who continually tap into other people’s emotions. What for? To manipulate others, control the situation, get money, have sex, satisfy your own ego, and so on.
They are so good at all this and lie so masterfully that their victims are unaware of what is happening.
Resisting such psychologically predatory behavior is extremely difficult. Not surprisingly, most people refuse to believe this and accept no evidence until it’s too late. In fact, the “love” of a psychopath is just a cover.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has these traits, it’s time to think; how do you feel around him? Avoid toxic relationships, don’t be afraid to say goodbye to unpleasant people, and cherish those who don’t try to suppress and manipulate you.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker