Here is a psychologist’s advice to help people cope with grief. If you are going through grief, then this article is meant for you. Read on to find out.
Accept your feelings
It is not typical in our society to teach condolences. Therefore, immediately after the tragic events, you will hear many times from others you need to hold on. But it is normal to be sad, worried, and suffer in this situation.
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Allow yourself to experience in a way that suits you
You probably have a template in your head of how a person should behave during tragic events. And it may not match at all how you feel.
Trying to cram yourself into the idea of what you are supposed to experience will add guilt, anger to grief, and it will become even more difficult to get through the situation. So give yourself permission to experience this without living up to someone’s (including your) expectations.
Some days will be especially difficult; birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates associated with a departed person. And it is better in advance to create an environment in which it will be a little easier for you to get through this time.
Adriana Imzh argues that it’s crucial to keep in mind that, despite the existence of calendars (9 days, 40 days, and a year), each individual perceives time differently; mourning can be experienced by some people after a few months have passed because this is when the shock subsides while someone else is already in order by the same date.
If the grief lasts for several years, it means that the person is “stuck” in the experience. It’s somewhat simpler this way – to die with the one you loved, to stop your world with him. But he hardly wanted this for you.
Adriana Imzh, consultant psychologist
And of course, even people attempting to live on have rough days; when something is remembered, a flashback happened or “inspired by music.” Crying, feeling sad, remembering is normal if your whole life does not consist of it.
In difficult situations, ask a friend for support or lock yourself in a room with a photo album and handkerchiefs, go to the cemetery, take a walk where you used to walk with your loved one, sort through his gifts, wrap yourself in his favorite T-shirt. Choose ways to deal with the sadness that makes you feel better.
Limit unpleasant contacts
In an already challenging moment, you’ll most likely have to communicate with different people; distant relatives, family friends, and so on. And not all of them will be pleasant.
Limit unwanted contacts so as not to add negative emotions to yourself. Sometimes communicating with an online stranger is preferable to doing so with a second cousin, simply because he understands you, but she does not.
According to Adriana Image, it is still worth accepting condolences because, in our culture, doing so is merely a way to give you space to mourn.
Yes, these people may not experience loss the way you do. But they understand that you are sad. They acknowledge that the person has died, and this is important. Better this than when everyone is indifferent and you are not allowed to experience your emotions.
Adriana Imzh, consultant psychologist
Image source: Reproduction/Internet
Don’t be surprised at your fears and worries
The loss of a loved one usually heightens the understanding that this can happen to anyone. This can occasionally cause numbness, heighten fear of dying, understanding the meaninglessness of being, or, conversely, produces a painful craving for life, sex, food, or adventure. There may be a feeling that you are living wrong and a desire to change everything.
Give yourself time before doing anything. In therapy, this is called the 48-hour rule, but in the case of severe loss, the wait can be longer.
Adriana Imzh, consultant psychologist
Most likely, the idea of shaving your head, leaving your family, and leaving as a freelancer to Seychelles is not the only one. Let it settle, and then act if the desire persists. Perhaps in a couple of days, it will change somewhat.
Drink less alcohol
Alcohol might sometimes appear to be the answer to all issues. But getting drunk and forgetting is a short-term way to deal with them. Alcohol is a powerful depressant that negatively affects the central nervous system.
People who drink alcohol are less able to cope with stress and make more destructive decisions. It’s also crucial to keep in mind that sugar (found in both sweet and alcohol) increases the experience of stress, so it is recommended to avoid drinking it.
Adriana Imzh, consultant psychologist
Take care of your health
Grief is already exhausting, do not aggravate the situation. Eat balanced food, walk, try to sleep about eight hours a day, drink water, and remember to breathe. Grief frequently causes people to forget to exhale. Do not add stress to the body by giving up your health.
See a psychologist
If you can’t get through the situation on your own and it doesn’t feel better for you for a long time, find a specialist. The psychologist will assist you in identifying precisely what keeps you from overcoming depression, expressing emotions, saying goodbye to a loved one, or even just being with you during this trying time.
The person close to you has died, and you continue to live, and this is normal. Quite often, we have a false sense of injustice: died prematurely, died before me, died as a result of foolishness.
But the truth is, death is part of life. We all come to die, and no one knows how long and how he will live. Someone left, someone remained to preserve the memory of the departed.
Adriana Imzh, consultant psychologist
It can be not easy to lead a familiar way of life and learn to smile and rejoice again. Don’t rush yourself if it doesn’t work out yet. But it is in this direction that we need to move, says Adriana Imzh.
Not only because the one you lost would surely want to but also because this is what makes any life, including the life of a departed person, important; we honor his legacy, respect his path, and do not turn his death into a weapon of self-destruction.
