Unwillingness to discuss budget, selfishness, and other behaviors will make you forget about a couple’s harmony.
1. Spent and debt
The inability to manage money makes people take loans. If a lot of debt accumulates, it can turn your whole life into a real nightmare, including your relationship. Collector calls, the need to return every month loan costs and repayment prospects banks up to 50% of income and deny themselves basic things can shake any union.
Situations are especially painful if only one person has taken out loans. The second has to pay other people’s wishlist and interest because the pair’s budget is common. Or if a person hides his debt and slowly pulls money from the family budget to pay it.
How to be
Plan expenses together with a partner. Ideally, do not take loans unless it is about buying essential items.
2. Withholding income and expenses
This behavior even has a name: financial Infidelity– financial treason. The reasons may vary. For example, greed and a desire to completely control your money, shame for being unwise with your finances, or fears that your partner will spend money irrationally.
Financial betrayal suggests that the couple has mistrust and secrets, and these are alarm bells. According to one American poll financial infidelity poll: Extracurricular activity is on the rise; 44% of respondents conceal income, savings, or loans from a partner. At the same time, 30% of respondents believe that their financial betrayal is almost worse than physical.
How to be
Stay honest with your significant other. If you don’t trust her and are hiding part of your income, perhaps this is not the person you want at all. If you are ashamed of your spending or do not know how to handle money, it will also be logical to share this problem and find a solution together.
3. Abandoning the budget
A 2018 poll showed Russians began to assess their financial literacy level that only 38% of Russian families maintain a family budget. The lack of financial accounting, albeit indirectly, affects the relationship. When partners are clear about where their funds are going and are effectively saving money for large purchases like a car, vacation, or real estate, they feel calmer and more confident. This means that they have fewer reasons for worries and conflicts.
How to be
Try recording expenses and income. Create a notebook, excel spreadsheet, or application for this. Set financial goals for the next year, 5 and 10 years. Calculate how much you need to save to achieve them.
4. Excessive savings
Cost accounting and smart savings are good things, of course. But the demands to give up elementary comfort and to account for every penny, sooner or later, will infuriate any person. Hardly anyone wants to stay in a relationship where they are reprimanded for buying 4-ply toilet paper instead of 2-ply.
How to be
Discuss with your partner which things each of you is willing to give up for the economy’s sake and which not. If you are very annoyed with other people’s spending, consider keeping a separate budget.
Everyone has different ideas about finance. Someone lives on a grand scale and says that money cannot be taken to the grave. Some, on the other hand, scrupulously save and save. Some people believe that family finances should be shared. Others prefer a separate budget. Someone wants to save up for a house and a car, while others are interested in traveling worldwide.
The topic of money in our society is not openly discussed. It seems to many that talking with a partner about this presents yourself as mercantile and spiritless. Better to remain silent, and then it will somehow settle itself. But different ideas about money can be the cause of many conflicts: 16% of Russian couples surveyed are quarreling and domestic violence due to the management of the family budget, another 32% – due to lack of money.
How to be
Financial issues must be discussed and at the dawn of a relationship. How to manage the budget – jointly or separately, who manages the finances (both or someone alone), how to keep track of income and expenses, what to spend money on, what financial goals to set. Even if it turns out that you have different views, you can find a compromise and set the rules.
The couple has a common budget, but someone alone believes that they can dispose of this money at their discretion. For example, buy a new smartphone, although the old one works great, or take a taxi every day while your partner rides the subway and tries to save money. Of course, no one will like that the other half thinks only of themselves.
How to be
Since you are investing in a budget together, spending should also be more or less symmetrical. This is elementary justice and cares for a loved one. If you want to manage your money alone, switch to a separate budget, when people throw off for general needs (rent, repairs, household appliances), and spend the rest of the money on their own.
7. Financial violence
This is a situation where one person manipulates another with money. The most common victim of economic violence is someone who, for some reason, does not have their own income, due to probably illness, maternity leave, or age.
There are plenty of options for financial violence. For example, a manipulator does not give his partner money for important expenses, sets conditions, makes him beg for every penny, and report on what was spent. Or he threatens to deprive him of some material wealth if a loved one refuses to obey him. It happens that the abuser takes the victim’s money and spends it at his own discretion.
Financial threats are considered how as a form of emotional abuse, and the consequences women’s experience of financial abuse and potential implications can be challenging. The victim may develop physical and mental health problems, go into debt, and become vulnerable to other forms of partner violence forms.
How to be
Realize that relationships are not about dominance and control but love, partnership, and mutual respect. Even if you earn more or even support your family, this is not a reason to humiliate a loved one, reproach, and use manipulation to get your way. If you are prone to economic (or any other) violence and are aware of this, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist. On the other hand, if you are the victim, consider how you can secure your financial independence and end the painful relationship.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker