Love doesn’t have to die after three years or even later. One of the main questions strong couples care about is maintaining attraction for each other over the years?
Jordan Gray, psychologist, sexologist, author of books on relationships, and trainer, surveyed couples with different life lengths together; from newlyweds to spouses who have been married for over 50 years. The results confirmed that the sex appeal changes in our eyes, like the ebb and flow.
The reasons are different; stress, heavy workload, bad mood, a week-long visit from the parents of the second half. All this reduces libido. But even if you exclude everyday factors, the attraction of partners gradually weakens. Why?
It’s time to shake the cobwebs off the top of your head and figure out how to stay attractive to your loved one in a long-term relationship.
1. Look in the mirror
Often, a decrease in your partner’s attractiveness signals that something is wrong with your well-being. If you are confident and happy, then your partner seems to be the sexiest person in the world. And if you are depressed and worried about something, then it seems that your partner has lost all his charm.
So, before you blame your partner for your bad mood and coldness, look in the mirror and honestly answer; are you yourself attractive enough and tuned in to love?
2. Find a way to get bored
Any person we love is always one message away. But too close communication, albeit through gadgets, leads to depressing consequences. If you are constantly together, you will not have time to miss each other, and the relationship will turn from pleasure into a duty.
When you are physically close to your loved ones, of course, give them all your attention. But when you are apart, even for a couple of hours, do only your own business.
Stop texting your partner every day. Do not be accountable for every step; set aside several topics for discussion until the next meeting. Have a bachelor or bachelorette party, spend the weekend apart, or at least go to a workout alone. Without a sense of independence and autonomy, it’s impossible to experience the joy of dating and reflect on how much you value every hour you spend together.
3. Tune in to love
He needs the unity of actions, words, and thoughts. Therefore, when you do nothing to strengthen your relationship, the brain builds a logical chain; “Since I am not doing anything for the sake of the relationship, then I’m not interested in them.”
But the opposite is also true. If you feel the desire gradually fade away, reframe your thinking as follows; “I put so much work into our relationship, so my partner is worth it!” There are two ways to get your brain to work like this. The first way is to change the attitude towards a loved one; the second is to continue flirting.
When you look at your life with optimism, your brain learns to perceive all events positively. The consistent effect of positive evaluations and being grateful for everything you have affects your appreciation of your own life. It holds true for your relationship as well. Consider the best intentions in each of your partner’s actions.
Here are some examples of how the perception of a partner depends on your position.
Surprise your partner. Give a small gift. Add romance. Have an evening for just two. Flirt like your relationship has just begun. And since the brain tends to bring thoughts and actions to a common denominator, you will fall in love with your partner again and again with every beautiful gesture.
4. Think about what you can lose
Everything in our life ends sooner or later. People are mortal. Your relationship will inevitably end.
But there is good news as well.
How would you look at your partner at the last meeting? What would you do if you knew this was your last weekend? Would you talk about love more often? Would you behave softer, more tender, more honest about your loved one?
Remember from time to time that it’s over. This will help you show your best side and be an ideal partner.
By the way, when you realize that everything is going away, it is much easier to think about what beautiful dimples on the lower back of your lover’s, and not that she has grown fat. Focus on what you love about your partner. The choice is always yours, and it is easier and more pleasant than it seems.
Also read: 5 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship
5. Direct all your sexual energy towards your partner
Sexual energy is a limited resource. If you squander it while watching porn, admire other people too much, or masturbate several times a day, giving your partner miserable leftovers of energy, you will both lose.
Imagine that sexual energy flows through your body like water, and you can regulate the flow. The more effort you direct toward your loved one, the easier it is to repeat it. As the river bed becomes deeper during floods, it will be simpler for you to love your partner. Remember what was said about the peculiarities of the brain; your thoughts and actions will become one.
Do you intend to remain passionate? It all depends on your decision. Love, like happiness, is the result of choice, the work of your thoughts. Admire your partner like on a first date. And filter out anything that might annoy you. You should look at your beloved through rose-colored glasses, not through a magnifying glass.
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker