Shyness and low self-esteem sometimes interfere with life. Here psychologists advised on what to do in such cases.
Who is subject to social awkwardness
1. People with a certain personality type
People who are often doubting, anxious find it difficult to approach strangers and start a new business.
Awkwardness, a feeling of embarrassment, constraint are most inherent in pronounced introverts. They are used to communicate closely only with a narrow circle of people and individuals with increased anxiety. Such people worry that they may give the wrong answer, offend the other person, or look inappropriate.
Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology
2. Insecure people
A person of any personality type can feel uncomfortable in society if they have been bullied for a long time by peers or parents. Even very sociable and optimistic people can have low self-esteem under negative experiences and being in an aggressive social environment.
Do I have to fight it?
A shy person is usually not the ringleader and soul of the company. However, such people often have other important qualities, such as sensitivity and delicacy. The main thing is to accept yourself as you are and learn how to use it.
Awkwardness is not always a bad quality to fight against. Rather, it is a good diagnostic sign that helps you to deal with your inner world. In some situations, awkwardness can be an additional opportunity to enter into communication with the right person and establish emotional contact with him.
If embarrassment prevents you from living and achieving your goals, try changing your attitude towards this trait and developing new behavior strategies. You will not be able to change your personality type completely. This is not something bad, not a flaw, but a part of your personality. You need to know about it and take into account when making decisions.
Ilya Shabshin, consultant psychologist, author of books
How to get rid of the awkwardness
1. Be clear about your goal
In any business, a plan and understanding of your goals will not interfere with each other. Think about the situations in which awkwardness prevents you from communicating with the opposite sex, bosses, and officials, with new people, or with acquaintances too? Imagine what will change in your life as you overcome your social awkwardness. This will help you better understand yourself and encourage you to take further action.
It is always worthwhile to first be puzzled by the inner side of the issue, namely, the alignment of self-esteem and the elimination of anxiety, and specific communication techniques.
Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology
2. Think about whether you can handle it yourself
Sometimes, self-doubt and increased anxiety can be signs of social anxiety and other serious disorders. There are tests on the Internet to determine the level of depression and the presence of social anxiety, but it is better not to get carried away with self-diagnosis. If you suspect you have something like this, contact a specialist.
3. Start small
This is a universal tip for all situations, but it is especially important here. If a psychasthenic type person expects too much from himself, this will only aggravate everything. There is training in which you need to approach strangers on the street and ask them for money or hug them. Do not start with these exercises if they scare you to death.
4. Get to know yourself
The root of many problems is that a person does not imagine himself as he really is. The more we know ourselves, the less we are afraid to seem ridiculous and not like someone.
Our main fear is not to live up to our own expectations. A sense of embarrassment arises when we commit an act that is at odds with the illusion about ourselves.
You need to understand your real features and allow yourself to make mistakes because no one is immune to them.
5. Change your focus
When a person is embarrassed, he focuses completely on himself and his feelings. Instead, direct your attention to others, genuinely interested in someone’s life or story. In the end, it may even be dishonest; perhaps your opponent did not even notice your shyness or oversight, and you no longer listen to him at all and withdraw into yourself.
6. Choose your social circle carefully
It isn’t easy to increase self-esteem if your loved ones make fun of you or assert themselves at your expense. Get rid of such pseudo- friends, and keep such colleagues and relatives at a distance.
7. Keep records
Make a plan, write down all the successes, phrase templates for communication. There is no shame in using cheat sheets for self-development. Also, written information is better absorbed.
8. Read books on psychology and self-development
Many of them really help dramatically change your life. For awkward people, we especially recommend books about sign language and facial expressions, such as ” New Body Language ” by Allan and Barbara Pease and “Difficulties in Communication” by Andrey Kurpatov.
As people age, they gain experience and react less to the opinions of others. So, to some extent, the problem will be solved by itself. Of course, this option is only suitable if shyness does not greatly interfere with your life.
10. Don’t take it personally
Remember, if someone is rude or taciturn, it probably isn’t about you. Probably, this person behaves like this with everyone or just out of sorts. Insecure people are often too suspicious and take any negative at their own expense.
But we are not responsible for other people’s behavior, but we can control our own.
11. Know your worth when trying to connect.
Avoid negativity, but do not curry favor or be silent if you are offended. It is better to blush and hesitate to say something that hurt you than to silently leave, swallowing the offense or not understanding the situation.
12. Remember: before you, many have successfully passed this path.
It means that it is real for you too. We wish you good luck!
Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff
Sources: Life hacker