How to Stop Being Shy: 10 Effective Tips

Modesty is not a vice, but excessive shyness can interfere with your personal life and career. We have collected specific and really working methods that will help you finally get out of the cocoon and start communicating normally with people.

1. Make a list of problem situations

It is better to start solving a problem with the analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate exactly which people you are talking about; strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in power.


When you take a problem apart, it already seems more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations to increase anxiety (calling a stranger likely causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

This list can then be used as a plan for dealing with shyness. By starting small, you will cope with increasingly difficult situations. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.

Read also: 5 Ways to Change Yourself For The Better

2. Record your strengths

Another list to help you overcome embarrassments is about your positive qualities. Shyness is usually caused by low self-esteem. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own magnificence (this is not a joke). Try to find a downside even for flaws. It may be difficult for you to lead a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used too.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly interferes with you. The formulated goal may become the impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Even though I perform, write, and host radio shows, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. This required me to get out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame shyness by realizing that only I can deliver my message correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Exercise

Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life must be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas you can use as a kind of workout.

  • Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite direction and do the opposite of what you are used to. Want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Caught yourself thinking that in a conversation, you are taking a defensive position? Try to ask the other person a few questions.
  • Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one stranger at least once a day (preferably with a stranger). Most likely, you will never see it again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on it.
  • In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you meet often, but never greet.
  • Warm-up before an important conversation. Do you want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach him? Practice with less embarrassing people. When it comes to an acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
  • And always get ready to speak publicly. But don’t limit yourself to just repeating speech. Visualize your future audience success. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and their impressions of others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts away from yourself to others. Get interested, ask, empathize. When you’re focused on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

How to Stop Being Shy: 10 Effective Tips
Image source: Reproduction/Internet

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in the sports section or art courses. Another great option is the improvisation workshops. Such activities help to liberate.

7. Watch your body language

Making eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and shaking hands firmly inform others of your confidence and openness. Not only that, with these signals, you fool your brain a little and really start to feel freer.

8. Say “no” less often

Much has been said about the importance of the word “no.” But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and unfounded fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities life presents.

9. Learn to manage anxiety

Some of the physiological reactions associated with shyness are very difficult to overcome. Someone starts to stutter, someone blushes violently, or forget the simplest words. It is almost impossible to stop this with one effort of will. The ability to quickly relax, for example, with deep breathing, will help to cope with the problem.

Also read: 10 Things To Let Go Of To Be Happy

10. Don’t advertise your shyness

You should not focus your and others’ attention on the fact that you have communication problems. So you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your constant trait.

Even if others notice your shyness, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body and not a stress reaction. And never characterize yourself as shy in front of strangers. Let them form their own opinion and notice other, more interesting features of yours.

Adapted and translated by The Cop Cart Staff

Sources: Life hacker